Now more than ever, I have to remember my joy. Celebrate successes. Live with the memory of my best moments, because otherwise, all that remains is pain.

The unavoidable, ubiquitous, and seemingly growing revelation of our lack of in this world is soul grinding. Lack of wealth. Lack of education. Lack of resources. Lack of respect for life. Lack of respect for life. Lack of respect for life. The knowledge of these issues acts as a weight, reminding me of its presence just when it faded to the background of my consciousness.

I have to understand that it is almost certainly outside of my individual ability to really make it stop. I am only I. But I must keep working. Not knowing how much I can do is still more than doing nothing. But to keep doing something, I have to feed off the good. Feed off the barbecues. The first birthdays. The graduations. The moments of love and happiness. Because every good moment is merely a moment. When those good instants end, abruptly, violently, the fight begins to maintain sanity, just in order to keep working.

I wrote this because of Alton Sterling. I didn't get to finish it before Philandro Castile. I feel I can't do anything. But I have to keep trying.